just hope and 'pray' that lifestyle and youtube see the importance of this remaining accessible online and forget about or bend the 'copyright' rulebook for once.

"Today, in 2008, The Gay and Lesbian Task Force reports that a third of all gay youth attempt suicide, that gay youth are four times more likely than straights to try to take their own lives, and if a kid does survive, 26 percent are told to leave home when they come out. It’s estimated that 20 to 40 percent of the 1.6 million homeless youth in America today identify as gay or lesbian. Harvey Milk’s message is needed now more than ever."
excerpt Dustin Lance Black interview; in full on towleroad
comment?

even his Dutch, his voice is soooo beautiful, profound, razorsharp:
Mocht over een tijdje desalniettemin blijken dat hij de jongen met de dood had bezwangerd, zo meende hij, toen ze afscheid namen bij de houten tourniquet waar de brommer stond, toen de katterigheid toch was gekomen en hij toch niet genezen bleek van zijn ziekte, dan had die onbedoelde uitwerking tenminste de schoonheid van de symmetrie. Want tegenover de dynastie van het leven, die Prul had gegrondvest, zou hij dan een geheime dynastie van de dood hebben gesticht. (gaat heen en vermenigvuldigt u, riep hij de eventuele millimicronbeestjes in de jongen zwijgend na), een anti-schepping tegenover haar schepping. Nu gebleken was dat hij zich onmogelijk kan onderwerpen aan haar vrouwelijk schrikbewind was dat de enige waardige uitweg. Ja, bedacht hij, fietsend langs akkers, waar sproei-installaties tuiltjes nevel uitzwiepten, in de kruin van elke neveltuin een eenpersoons regenboogje, dat meedraaide met de blik van de fietser. Tja, als ik geen engel kan zijn, dan ben ik maar een duivel.

as nobody seems to have endeavored until today, my own translation :
If however in a while it would become evident that he'd infested the boy with death, so he reasoned, when they said goodbye at the wooden turnstile where his moped was parked, when nerdiness had taken over after all, and he proved not to be healed from his disease, then that unplanned result at least had the beauty of symmetry, because opposed to the congregation of life, founded by Prul, he would have founded a secret dynasty of death. ( Be fruitful, and multiply; replenish the earth, and subdue it, he yelled in silence at the theoretical milimicron creatures in the boy), an anti creation opposite to her creation. Now it had become evident that he was incapable of submitting to her female reign of terror, that was the only dignified escape. Yes, he mesmerised, cycling along the fields, where irrigation equipment spat out a spray of mist, displaying around the summit of each of these mini nebulie an individually portioned rainbow, that revolved along in the view of the cyclist.
Yep, if I can't be an angel, I might just as well be a devil.
It's so sad that as these fundamental thoughts were rewarded with the highest cultural acclaim and apraisal available in Dutch litarature while the author stil had to die of the dreaded desease, they now strike histeria and fear for prosecution. Why must they today paralize an entire community that is supposed to help us along selecting and weighing the multitudes of options we have available, that should at least be openly discussed or ridiculed, as they may result in more humane, feasible strategies of risk reduction and survival?
It very much looks like securing subsidies is more important these days than getting on with things and dealing open minded with (what's left of) the community that has been facing these hard issues for 3 decades. Is that a sign of the sorry state of tolerance and freedom of thought in our society, that religion has been able to bring to a steep decline?
If I'm not trusted and can't speak my mind about my own or others' doubts, make morbid jokes, be cynical, then I'd rather take my leave now. comment?

Back to rockin' the boat, or rather, desperately trying not to . . .
oh dear, we're still in bad shape if gay youngsters feel like the guys below about themselves, they have probably voted republican and for prop 8, just too to be 'butch'.
Well at least they did "rock the boat" on this show! If you can take it, here's part 2, part 3, part 4 and 5 of it. I'm afraid I'd rather have nothing any more to do with guys with so much self hate that they'd rather be hetero or 'gay' instead of 'queer'. I'ts sad that there are guys who openly say older gay men are pathetic. I feel sorry that their life ends at 30, or 40, or 50: too soon. One thing is sure though: I don't want anything to do with these unstable kids: let me just stay out of education or social youth groups.
I'd rather fuck a demented, hemmeraided, constipated grumpy old fart! Sooner than have those infants acuse me of forcing 'stuff ' on them, as they would . . .
I do think it's high time to change my will and make sure anything I may have left, and funds from the foundation I run, don't go to clubs who support so much hate of their own background, culture and heritage, like DWH, and instead transfer it to orgs that work towards a real multicolored society, like GALA.comment?

Finally, after the millennium turn and about 20 years with an amputated sexual vocabulary, because of the reduced risks and the renewed lure of a resurfacing radical queer punk community, I gradually got back on track to the only true and real sexual practice that fitted me, and find myself, being honest and open in these choices, having to fight another battle, convincing others that my choices of abandoning that 'safe' code of conduct are not immoral, not short sighted, nor criminal.





WOW !
I don't mind being a pariah in the local gay community; they are young, ignorant, tech twinks, badly or not educated in emotion and cultural history. I'm not well equipped (eh, eh, don't get that wrong) to deal with these youngsters: I don't fit in the education / the academic world. I'm often accused here in Delft of ramming sexuality down the throats of a 'gay' community that does not want that. It's not my intention to force views down any throat (or ass), nor will I ridicule the remaining risks. But I do know that anybody forcing the opposite, in this case a choice for monogamy, promoting the 'normal homo' and gay marriage as fitting for us all, is as bad as the religious fanatic who tries to exterminate practices or views he didn't find in his version of a bible. They're just as responsible for a lot of the sectarism, the self hatred and grueling numbers of suicides in our community.
In my view it's female to be a nest builder. Our type of men will forever predominantly be hunters. I will always defend the right to not believe in or even be allergic towards a 'politically correct' kind of life, adjusting towards a religious, monogamous, hetero majority. I'm sorry, I can't.
Just like Bobby couldn't become heterosexual by praying.
There will always be battles to fight, hurdles to overcome, both here and in California, both in Poland, the Vatican as in middle America. We can only do that if we all stop forcing others into lifestyles they cannot accept. we can only fight a battle with the outside world, the world of religion, if we first stop amputating pieces of our community that are healthy, sane and indispensible in origin. If we're not tolerant ourselves how can we fight any battle against it elsewhere? With the Dutch founding father (coincidentally showing up in the column to the right) I say: let's try to listen a bit better and where we can't accept things for ourselves, at least leave it to others to make their own choices.
comment?

my entries for the dwh poster competition:


Oh how I PUKE on delft and its pathetic ghay community (just read back the words by the director of Englisheman in New York on the 11th, below)
They still keep trying to confirm to themselves that I was the problem and they were soooo right(eous). Well, I'm not going to fall into the trap of discussing with Jehova witnesses about their bible: They blew it, and now they gotta sit on the blisters and live with their tarnished image: history will show they were exactly right for the Bush/Balkenende/ChristenUnie years.

soo goood in open discussions!! ? Still waiting for a reply by their secretary. Ignoring adversity, is that the new strategy?

I'm pretty shure these will not even be entered in the competition, as the competition is only started becoz they need to get rid of all the artwork designed by me (including above logo, now used for over 10 years), but maybe they will induce some sarcasm and humor into it or convince others to not only submit shitscared badly designed true antisexual puberart.

Amazingly today an article on the new paralizing and ultra destructive generation gap in the queer community was published at nightcharm!
Also, look at the HaHa Haaglanden Horny Homo Hitparade for an apropriate nr 1 song about this issue (great remix too). comment?

The stifling atmosphere that tries to push youths into a direction that they cannot accept; that's what we know from ultra conservative religious communities like Staphorst here in NL or the Amesh and Mormons and lots of other churches in the USA. Just imagine that you grow up gay in a community like that. I've written last month (04-01) about how terrible the consequences can be of situations like that. Suicide is one, fleeing to a nearby big city is another. The freedom found there comes packeged with many dangers like loverboys, drug use, religious sects and STD's, to name but a few.
Such a dangerously oppressive climate is now spreading in the local gay community center in Delft, where one kind of homosexuality is being preaced as the acceptable norm. Everybody with some experience in the gay community and education knows this will not work: it is highly dangerous and contra-productive and only carries the risk of kids looking elsewhere and finding places much less oppressive, often liberating initially, but mostly lonely and cold further on. A warm, truly tolerant playful climate, celebrating diversity, close to home is much preferable, but hardly èver available: instead of bringing young homosexuals into a safe but dynamic and accommodating environment Delft once again feels the need to pass judgement and try to organise a culture with the oppression tool.

Also see the interview with the director of 'Englishman in Nw York' on 11-2, re - view small town boy or it's a sin, read the entry about the movie prayers for Bobby on january 4th or see my nr 1 movie velvet goldmine.
and now, for something completely different:
hot and blue !comment?

but vox populi much less, unless played by fav actor Ton Kas, also below:

Just despise the people who are afraid to search their own soul, if only out of fear of entering into areas where they are not too sure of themselves. They know where to avoid touchy words, but that does not control their mind, that they may mistrust. They're dishonest to their convictions, where they may not find broad support. These people are i.m.h.o. the wrong type of power hungry politicians, that is: almost all of 'm.
and let's not forget a large part of the press: not just Dutch tabloid Telegraaf, but also many so called journalists filling NRC and Volkskrant with trash, or VARA's tv concience: Pauw & Witteman

The day I can't talk about my doubts here, that day I'd better stop blogging.

Today I speak my mind on an issue where I oppose the moral majority:
Just despise the people who think it is wise and morally correct to publish names of people convicted of child abuse online. Even if we think justice and authorities are doing a lousy job in protecting youth, the general public can only do it worse: Last night I saw one of the many exellent UK detective series on the Dutch crime network. In it a young mother who can't cope accidentally kills her baby in an attempt to stop it crying. In her panic she desposes the of the body and accuses a neighbour of being guilty. He in turn gets his head kicked in by an angry mob, fired on by a cop who also was a victim of child abuse in his youth. The children of the guy innocently accused also get caught up in the drama and are traumatised even worse. The case has to be cleared up by the exellent acting Jane Tennison (Helen Mirren), who returns to the station to get in the middle of this mess after a leave for an abortion, she was anything but sure about.


Just want to say:
we only fall so much further into the pits of immorality if we start losing trust in elected authorities. Even if they are put in place by parties we do not aprove of, they are much preferable to blind hysterical mob power. comment?