----- Original Message -----
From: Thomas
To: Ad Schuring
Sent: Friday, April 20, 2007 11:51 AM
Subject: Howgoes?

Hi Ad,

I understand you are just happily continueing life?
Nice image of the V building.
It turned out quite different from the presentation drawings
I saw 2 years ago in the paper.

Grtz,
Thomas

----- Original Reply -----
From: Ad Schuring
To: Thomas
Sent: Friday, April 22, 2007 01:15 AM

Well, just happily? . . . to a certain extent:
luckily the infection was diagnosed exceptionally quick: I still was negative at my last visit to the GGGD Amsterdam blood control for the cohort HIV trialstudies late november.
I did get a serious flue attack at the end of march which lasted longer then normal; over 2 weeks, but that could be the normal pattern of this years flue virus, as I heard of many who got that.
Just 2 weeks after this flue I got another bad spell, which was most likely caused by the penicilline injections I got for the treatment of the syph infection. It is highly probable that I got the syph simultaneously with the hiv infection.
On top of that I was to my neck in work for the V center, where I am the location-building-supervisor, as it was due to open and running late on practically every aspect of planning. It did not allow me to stay home and rest and cath my breath for even a millisecond.

anyway,
It's all done now, so I thought I could sit back, but the job of building supervising has now turned into the job of technical systems manager, so I still have to be in daily (7 x / week) at opening up and closing down to check all systems (security and fire alarms, ventilation and airco, light controls, AV controls with 12 pc's running 14 beamers or screens and numerous audiofeeds . . . untill now nothing seems to start up as it is supposed to: fully automatically with one power-up switch. It's still resetting numerous pc's and connected beamers, needed repeatedly, to get all presentations running as expected.
Now the building is open I also had to get keys distributed amongst the staff, so that they have access to the spaces where they are supposed to have it, and not elsewhere. And as everybody had forgotten about fitting out the public lavatories with utensils, soap and paper, I am also running the job of toilet-lady. Mopping up and re-supplying the vast quantities of paper used esxpecially in the ladies lue: It is insane, how much paper they use in there! When all runs smoothly hopefully I can get back to a less hours schedule, but then I see the job of technical coordination of the changing exhibitons, that are planned on the top floor of the building looming at the horizon.

But for the rest, don't worry; all is nice and easy here.
In he night prior to the opening I got a phonecall at 3 AM from one of the islamic young guys I regularly have sex with. I told him "now is a case of extremely bad timing, because I have to work all night for starters and secondly I have an STD". He then went on to express doubt about wether I still wanted to see him at all, because I had turned him down twice already in the weeks previously. To set him straight (uh?) on that I decided to excuse myself for half an hour to give this guys' overstretched balls and supertasty cock some quick relief. And yes, It was with a condom for this once, at least for the assfucking bit, as the hiv crew at Westeinde hospital in Den Haag had told me I was very likely to be at a peak in infectiousness right now, even though they cannot produce the first results of the viral load count untill next tuesday.
Anyway,
The fucking even with rubber was not too bad and quite tasty (yes I still gathered there could not be too much harm in swallowing his cum, both the leakage from his dick as well as the condoms content. after that I went back to the job untill I got home at 7 for a quick nap, shower and then back to the center in suit and (leather) tie, for the opening at 10.

confused?
exhausted?
you will be after reading the next episode of soap, eh, adje's darkroomdiaries.

today I once again feel as fit as a fiddle, and horny as hell. I honestly do not know wether I will keep up the condom use for long; I find it fundamentally unsavory and major turnoff.

What I will do in the coming weeks is get the biohazard sign tattood somewhere around my asshole,

Ad.

a few quotes of the man:
You are also known as 'The Man With the HIV+ Tattoo'. What led to that decision?
It's all part of that honesty, of wanting to be as out as possible. That worked on two levels, the public level of wanting absolutely everyone who saw me to know, a political statement if you will of "we are among you".

Never one to shy from controversy, O'Hara was a strong supporter of NAMBLA (the North American Man-Boy Love Association), and took a good deal of flak for his support. O'Hara explained his support at a press conference held on June 24, 1994 to commemorate the Stonewall riot. "When I was 12 and 13 years old I would have joined NAMBLA in a minute, because I knew I was gay and I wanted to go out and get laid, not just read 'The Gay Mystique' all my life; I needed personal contact. [NAMBLA is] willing to take the risks that no one is willing to take... . They're the only ones willing to acknowledge that adolescents actually do have sex lives. There is also a more basic reason why I support NAMBLA. They are the voice of dissent in the gay movement today. They're the whipping boy, the fashionable group to condemn. ... I say, watch out, tomorrow that whipping boy could be you... . In the efforts of the gay establishment to suppress NAMBLA I see the seeds of tyranny."

and Nigel, I will get back to you soon. Just let me get my thoughts straightened out a bit.
Coming weekend I hope to visit Trash. They have also changed the artwork in their ads to a much more moderate work. So I felt it wise to present the original work here:

Wednesday I will finally get myself a biohazard tattoo:

I've never been an advocate of double identities or staying in any closet, be it about extreme sex or health issues.

I know, it may not be effective as a warning sign in darkroom situations, but it does give the right positive statement.

Further: I understand that all major party organisers and venues are forced to state publicly that unsafe sex will not be tolerated, in order to keep their licenses. They indeed do stimulate safe conduct by keeping ample condoms and lube available and maintaining a minimum light level in their play areas and stewards doing a more or less effective job at maintaining a safe environment. On the other hand they cannot be held fully responsible if some visitors mutually agree to behave otherwise, as long as they keep it somewhat private and dont try to make a public/political statement out of it.

Anyway, so on New Year's Eve, I went to my friend's party in Brooklyn. It was awesome, roof access, great liquor, lots of it, beautiful people, etc. Well, I'd had a few, and this hot guy that I've wanted for months showed up with his fag hag. I'll call him Lance and her Wendy.

Lance is like 5'7", sandy blond hair, blue eyes, swimmer's build. He was wearing a vest and a beret, and I got semi-hard just from seeing him. He always does that and he still does. He's a friend of a friend and we kind of got to know each other. He went with me to a bar in Chelsea that I go to a lot, and I'd tried with him a few times with good conversation but no success. So I had given up on that.

Just so you know, I'm not unattractive. I'm about 5'11", nice brown hair, brown eyes, very fit body (I used to play baseball and football in high school), nice tan most of the year. So I can be picky.

Anyway so I did a few shots with Lance and we both started to get really happy. Wendy's playing along, she knows that it's a big gay party and all the dudes basically want to find somebody to bone. So, she gets Lance and me up to the roof and then disappears. We talked, smoked a cigarettte (which I normally don't do except when I drink) and I decided what the fuck? What can I lose? So, I just leaned in and kissed him and said, "Was that all right?" He responded by returning the kiss and deep-tonguing me.

I wish I could say that he fucked me there on the roof in Brooklyn, but he didn't. Too many people around, and it wasn't midnight yet. So, we went down to the party, watched the ball drop and then found an excuse to leave. In the cab, we couldn't keep our hands off each other and I ended up going down on him in the cab.

His cock was beautiful. About 7.5" uncut, with a gentle curve upward. I swallowed it down to the zipper (since I pulled it out through the zipper and the slit in his boxers). He started to moan, and the driver cleared his throat, so we had to stop for a minute.

We gave the cab driver a big tip (you have to when you fool around in the cab) when we got to my place in the East Village. Then we went up the stairs to my apartment and made out in front of the door. His ass was really firm, and his hard cock was pressed against me. I unlocked the door and we went in.

My room mate was gone for the night (probably fucking his boyfriend), so Lance and I just got down to business in the living room. We made out, he stripped me, and I undressed him. He had a great little body - toned, tight and very smooth. A milky white complexion.

Before long, I was on my knees slobbering all over his gorgeous piece, letting the foreskin glide back and forth over the head of his cock. He pulled me up and kissed me again, then went down on me. I pulled on the back of his head and fucked his face a little. I said, "Yeah, suck it man." That made him moan and go to town until he bent me over the couch and started rimming me like crazy.

He had a little stubble and that kind of hurt, but he just kept on, and he started deep-tonguing my hole. I loved it, and I said, "It's time to go to the bedroom." He tried to guide me in there while still eating my ass, but that didn't work so he came up and kissed me and then pushed me onto my bed.

We continued making out, touching each other's bodies. He made a lot of precum, and I got another taste of that before leaning over to the nightstand to get a Trojan and some lube. I handed him both, and we resumed making out.

I heard the click of the bottle, and saw that he was lubing his cock. His finger went in my ass, and he started working on me. Then it was two fingers. Then I heard the click of the bottle again, and I felt the head of his cock against my hole. Bare. Just skin. I felt a thrill run through me even as I said, "Dude, where's the condom?"

"I don't really like condoms," he whispered and kissed me again. He pushed in a little more. "This okay?"

Fuck, it was hot. I wanted him. I'd wanted him for months. I did find a way to say, "I try to play safe, dude."

I pushed back, and I gave in. "Yeah, fuck me," I whispered.

He smiled and lifted my legs to get leverage. He started rocking back and forth, and it was amazing. I felt his skin against mine, plunging in and out of my hole.

"Fuck yeah," I breathed. That got him going. "Yeah, you like this, huh? You like it bare, don't you?!"

He was pounding me fast and furious now. And he was right. I loved it. And I loved that it was bare. He alternated between fast and slow for a good ten minutes, then got going to a really fast pace.

He leaned down to kiss me again. We were both sweaty, and the sheets were wet from it. He didn't whisper this time when he said, "Oh yeah! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum inside you!!" And he did.

He threw his head back and grunted and drove his cock home. I didn't really feel the cum, but mentally I couldn't believe it was happening. I grabbed my cock and jerked it two times and started spurting. "Oh yeah! Yeah!" I almost yelled.

"I can't believe I just did that," I said. He kind of laughed and said, "I can." And kissed me.

We fell asleep, and in the morning he was gone but had left a note. "Thanks for a hot time. See you around. Lance"

I jerked off again remembering the night before, and I logged in to check my email. I ended up on Adam4Adam.com, and I did a search. I changed the search that I normally did. From "Safe Only" to "Anything Goes." And I started browsing.

I had an e-mail from a reader the other day...
My name is Jack. I am an avid reader of your blog and I wanted to ask you a question.
I am an HIV negative bottom and I crave raw dick and cum in my ass. But, to date, I haven't
taken any raw dick, except from guys I have dated regularly and trusted. I want to branch out
and try the occasional raw hookup, but I don't know how to approach it. Obviously, this is a hard
choice to make. I am considering hiring an escort I know who does bareback occasionally.
He claims he is neg and DDF, but I have no way of knowing for sure. He only barebacks
for double fee, but I really want to have his cum in my ass.
Based on your estimates, what do you think my risk factor is?

Let's just say I'm glad I'm not a bottom... It's not easy making decisions like the one Jack's making...

There's a lot he didn't say in his e-mail... How old is he? Though the fact that he's thinking of hiring a hooker makes me think he's not a twink. What are his priorities in life? How comfortable is he with risk in other areas of his life? Someone who drives like a maniac, goes skydiving, or backpacking through war zones is probably more comfortable with barebacking than an accountant who dreams of having the perfect heterosexual-style wedding and settling down in the country with his partner, two dogs and a kid...

I guess what it boils down to is that I think some guys should use condoms since it's consistent with how they live the rest of their lives, while I think other guys should just give up and get into the mindset that they will become poz... The question is what should those of us who aren't at one of those two extremes do?

For starters, make your own decisions and don't second guess yourself after the fact. If you really need cum in your ass and in the moment you're OK with doing that with a particular guy - don't beat yourself up after the fact even if you became poz as a result. Bad things happen to people who think negatively... Don't go there.

Or put another way, realistically think about your limits ahead of time, live by them, and if you don't wind up living by them re-examine them since you may not have been realistic about things when you were just being theoretical. That's not to say you shouldn't learn from your experiences and do things differently in the future (I'm wondering whether the last two hookups were worth it)... Just don't freak out about things after the fact...

Obviously Jack has thought about things and recognizes his need to get cum in his ass - and not just from whoever he's dating... If he has that need then it's good to be realistic about it and deal with it. Suppressing it isn't a good long term strategy on many levels. So it's good that Jack acknowledges it and is trying to find ways to scratch his itch...

At the same time he seems really concerned about risk. That's an understandable step at the point he's at, but he needs to be realistic about that too in that nothing is guaranteed. All he can do is play the odds and pick tops his gut tells him are neg. But even then he might wind up with poz cum in his ass... He needs to know that might happen and accept it the same way he accepts that when he drives his car on the highway he might get hit by a truck and be maimed for life.

But most importantly, Jack should avoid being consumed by fear. It's easy for people like him to over think things and get let worry rule their lives. Sex is no different than any other aspect of his life in that to live an interesting life means there's a certain level of risk. I love NY and find it invigorating to live here. But it's also tends to be popular with terrorists. I love getting my cum in a guy's ass, but that can put me at increased risk for HIV. Is there really that much difference between choosing to live in NY and choosing to bareback?

What would be sad (from my perspective) is 10 years from now for Jack to feel like he missed out...

So I immediately filled in the registry form and inquired. Sadly the next morning reply landed me back from euphoria on to my own sobered two feet again: the tour was filled to capacity. I did ask to be put on the maillist so that next time I can make a reservation as soon as the trip becomes available again.

The good thing is that I can now go ahead and book accomodation for my other plan, the visit to West Hollywood, the San Vicente resort and the Tom of Finland artfair. Unfortunately the strict California rules seem to block publicly announced action parties, so it is pretty hard to make a decent plan in advance. If anybody can help with information for me and others, do let me know, pleez.

hope there will be quite some new bare art over at the fair. If there was a live drawing class doing bare fucks I would volunteer as model!

• go to the more general content pages of my weblog
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• look me up in the flesh at the local club

• Smoking costs the life of 9,000 of every 100,000 people annually in the Netherlands; for comparison: 810 people die in traffic
  and 100 die of aids.
• the danger of smoking has been known for 40 years; only from 1975 popularity of smoking in the west is declining.
• In 1998 a smoking prohibition became law in California; in july 2008 a similar law will be introduced in NL.
• only 31% of the Dutch smoke; in 1960 this still was 90%.

I'm a rimmer. Before I go down on a guy's hole I give a few furtive kisses on the cheeks and in the crack- if I don't smell any bad smells I go further and further until I hit my prize. On Friday, with only one exception, I hit bad smells before getting near the hole. One guy had really stanking arm pits too.

I think that it is a courtesy to everyone attending the party, that in addition to an anal douche, a diligent shower be taken before attending. The anus, ass crack, and area under the balls should be soaped and scrubbed well and rinsed and blotted dry. I realize that for a bigger guy this is not always so easy, but the local Eckerd's or Duane Reade sells soft scrub brushes on handles too for hard-to-reach places.

If you're a bottom and get fucked or gang-fucked, then I think if you want to stay in the game you should retire to the bathroom (where Shewn provides everything you need for clean-up) and freshen yourself up for the next guy.

replied as follows:
I respect your choices and preferences, but would like you to keep in mind that not everybody is into hygene as you: Especially in Europe you will find more gay men who will vomit when their noses or mouths encounter an asshole that smells like deodorant or cheap skin products. Lots of guys who like men also enjoy their smells, be it from armpits or assholes. I personally love to stick my tonge into an asshole that leaks cum from an earlier session. If there are some remains of natural products in there, that's fine too: I kind of feel proud if I'm coming up from the celar of Argos in Amsterdam with a brown smear across my face. As long as smell does not chase away everybody else.

What I find far more disrespectful is guys who go around poking their fingers into every asshole they can sneek up on from behind. These are mostly the guys that have not even taken the trouble to clip their nails in advance. Thus reaking havock with the tender tissue of the asshole and beyond. They mostly don't even take the trouble to even wash their fingers between pokings, they just go from one hole to the other, thus speading every std that's on the market. In my humble opinion fingers are a much greater risk then a nice leaking bare cock. I never grant 'm access anymore, unless they are experienced, connected to a nice face and hot brain and just doing a relaxation and opening up exercise to your hole. For that I agree, tongues do a much better job.

San Francisco, CA (October 23, 2007)
Titan Media regrets to announce that GAYVN Hall of Fame Director Bruce Cam has refused to accept the DAVID Lifetime Achievement Award. Sponsored by GAYeLINE, a gay adult magazine publisher in Europe, the DAVID Awards were initially considered to be the European equivalent of the GAYVN Awards in the United States .
The awards show was held in Berlin on Friday October 19th, 2007. Due to a last minute illness, Cam was not able to attend the award ceremony, but his business partner and Titan Media Vice President Keith Webb was in attendance on his behalf. “I cannot in good conscience accept a Lifetime Achievement award from an organization that glorifies and promotes bareback content alongside my own,” says Bruce Cam, President and CEO of Titan Media. “I have worked my entire adult industry career to promote and eroticize safer sex content in all of my films. It would be against every single fiber of my moral being to accept this award. Silence is acceptance and I can no longer sit by and watch the industry where I have worked and helped shape be destroyed by others seeking financial gain at the expense of performers and the entire gay community. I cannot and will not accept this award as it is tainted with the blood of others."
In 2006, TitanMen won the DAVID Award for “Best American Studio”. In addition, TitanMen exclusive models François Sagat and Spencer Quest were awarded ‘Best European Actor’ and ‘Best Non-European Actor’ respectively. 2006 was the first year the awards were held, and at that time bareback films were excluded from consideration, citing the same standards as the GAYVN awards. It appears that this year’s list of nominees were kept from Titan Media and other nominated studios in an apparent attempt to conceal the amount of bareback films and studios being nominated. Had Titan Media been informed of the fact that the vast majority of the nominees were bareback we would not have supported or attended the event.

Though I like you Damien (a lot!) and Francois and all the others that are with the major companies, I'm also a great fan of Desert Knights and Treasure Island. And you cannot maintain with a straight face that films from Euro producers like Cazzo and Wurst are produced poorly and cheaper. With the below the belt remarks about quality of the BB movies (that was not the issue) you just challenge these companies to make them even better then they already are.

It is an uphill battle: Most consumers have gotten tired of the well trained oiled up superbodies, that are hardly able to utter other words then huh and aaaggghh and never look interested in what they're doing and with whom that are so common in the old style porn productions, and rather see more average guys that do show some true pleasure in their eyes.
I'm afraid the self agreed industry convenant to stick to condoms only just was bound to be broken. Now the market will decide. I just hope that in a few years this discussion will turn futile as medicines improve further and a vaccine comes available.

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